Review: Nife Pink Keyhole Neck Dress

Like most children who received far too many Lisa Frank products as party favors in the ’90s, I grew up loving the color pink.

 

lisa frank

This is what it took to be cool in 1994.

 

But things change. As neon fell out of style and I moved on to new aesthetic mistakes, I began to detest pink. Part of this had to do with the fact that lighter shades of pink simply don’t suit me.

Beyond that, I was a bit annoyed that “pink” became shorthand for “female” from a marketing perspective, albeit occasionally with hilarious results. Throw in the capitalistic “pinkwashing” of a fatal illness and I was just done.

The problem with this is, of course, pink is SO PRETTY. And it’s not like pink is responsible for the way it has been gendered and appropriated over the years. This is the color of cherry blossoms, sunsets, and pussyhats.

cherry-blossom-pink-flowers-3.jpg

If pink is a bygone relic of my childhood and outdated modes of thinking, it is also the color of renewal and empowerment. Pink is limitless.

While I am myself limited in a number of ways, I decided that I could at least put an end to my unfair discrimination against this majestic color.  I began with pink lipstick and eyeshadow, and recently attempted to make the jump into clothing.

Because I am apparently doomed to keep reusing the same store credit at Zulily for an eternity, I decided to try the Nife Pink Keyhole Neck Dress.

nife pink keyhole neck dress

The color was the main draw — that deep, mature pink that could never be mistaken as girlish or shy.

I also loved the shape of it — that tasteful little keyhole and the tulip skirt, which seemed like a nice compromise between the fitted sexiness of a pencil skirt and the practical legroom of a fit-and-flare.

Sadly, while the dress isn’t a total disaster . . . well, this is what it looks like.

IMG_4212 (2)

The toilet is there so I can flush ill-fitting clothing.

And it doesn’t exactly MOVE with me.

IMG_4213 (2)

That keyhole looks more like a missed seam, right? I mean, what even is it?

Because the bust is so tight, I’m left with far too much room at the shoulders. I could live with the loose, undefined fit of the waist and the hips, if only . . .

IMG_4210 (2)

The pleats SHOULD gracefully fade into the skirt, right? And not just go halfway down before crumpling in a pile of sag?

Yeah, that happens. I don’t now if it would happen with every dress and every body type, but it happens for me and that’s all I need to know.

Fit issues aside, my biggest issue is that the color isn’t even close to the vibrant pink pictured. But it looks like overcooked salmon. I just can’t see myself taking on the world wearing such a dead shade of pink.

I can’t even blame the manufacturer or the vendor for this. Real-life colors rarely match their advertised colors. Sometimes this leads to a pleasant surprise, sometimes it doesn’t.

So the search continues. At least I still have my Biubiu Mercedes Blazer in Fuchsia.

 

 

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